She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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