Your dad touched me again.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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