the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
