my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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