She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
