At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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