Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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