I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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