wakey wakey hands off snakey
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
