I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
