I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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