If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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