So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
