Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
