A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
