the condom got lost in my hair
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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