So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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