I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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