Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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