i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
