So drunk its hurt
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
