I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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