Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
