someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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