He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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