a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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