Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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