Texts From Last Night

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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Talk to you next week

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  (731): I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period. (601): Talk to you next week http://tfl.nu/n6cb
  Replies (29) Good night (988) Bad night (1899)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

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  (202): respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus http://tfl.nu/nfd9
  Replies (26) Good night (956) Bad night (3702)
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  (716): View more from New York

  All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.

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  (716): All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world. http://tfl.nu/xqix
  Replies (10) Good night (1061) Bad night (2162)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.

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  (781): No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you. http://tfl.nu/cz2r
  Replies (11) Good night (4619) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.

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  (609): I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke. http://tfl.nu/ibe5
  Replies (11) Good night (1058) Bad night (4053)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?

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  (414): could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor? http://tfl.nu/bpu5
  Replies (9) Good night (1549) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.

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  (813): I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly. http://tfl.nu/szur
  Replies (16) Good night (914) Bad night (2074)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer

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  (724): you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer http://tfl.nu/1l7a
  Replies (4) Good night (2259) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We were destined to go to rehab together

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  (405): We were destined to go to rehab together http://tfl.nu/ewf5
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.

  (586): View more from Michigan

  ...how and why.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  PARENTS ARE MAGIC.

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  (248): I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS. (586): ...how and why. (248): PARENTS ARE MAGIC. http://tfl.nu/swgi
  Replies (7) Good night (944) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."

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  (207): Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever." http://tfl.nu/4u45
  Replies (9) Good night (1484) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.

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  (586): She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her. http://tfl.nu/tkh4
  Replies (0) Good night (608) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.

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  (513): You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song. http://tfl.nu/yp8g
  Replies (0) Good night (327) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."

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  (302): You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter." http://tfl.nu/rvq9
  Replies (1) Good night (708) Bad night (236)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.

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  (317): Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too. http://tfl.nu/0f3n
  Replies (9) Good night (271) Bad night (702)

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