Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?