Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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