The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there