Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes

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  (908): But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes http://tfl.nu/c86w
  Replies (24) Good night (3337) Bad night (634)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

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  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10621) Bad night (1235)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.

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  (585): I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys. http://tfl.nu/354b
  Replies (19) Good night (5406) Bad night (1775)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

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  (718): He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter. http://tfl.nu/o453
  Replies (16) Good night (6840) Bad night (1029)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.

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  (804): Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures. http://tfl.nu/ds3n
  Replies (3) Good night (3297) Bad night (841)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.

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  (248): I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half. http://tfl.nu/u2dc
  Replies (10) Good night (966) Bad night (2757)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night

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  (989): What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night http://tfl.nu/rv8l
  Replies (4) Good night (2316) Bad night (633)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wheres my essay?

  (415): View more from California

  You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?

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  (410): Wheres my essay? (415): You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway? http://tfl.nu/m6g1
  Replies (8) Good night (876) Bad night (2088)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.

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  (512): Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person. http://tfl.nu/kj3e
  Replies (5) Good night (2499) Bad night (583)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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  (602): If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for. http://tfl.nu/540a
  Replies (17) Good night (1683) Bad night (413)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"

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  (440): That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone" http://tfl.nu/gip2
  Replies (7) Good night (574) Bad night (1407)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."

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  (850): Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay." http://tfl.nu/hng1
  Replies (2) Good night (927) Bad night (798)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.

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  (515): You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it. http://tfl.nu/eptf
  Replies (6) Good night (1967) Bad night (579)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.

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  (216): Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months. http://tfl.nu/6lkb
  Replies (2) Good night (488) Bad night (247)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.

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  (724): I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick. http://tfl.nu/1sdq
  Replies (9) Good night (816) Bad night (230)

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