Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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