I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
