my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
