I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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