You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
