Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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