sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
