i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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