I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
