Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
