Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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