Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
