The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
