Don't make out with my wife yet
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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