i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
