Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
