I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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