New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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