Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
