dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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