I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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