All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
