M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize