guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
