How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
