i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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