I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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