At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
