i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
