mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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