maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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