I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
