Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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