planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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