The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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