do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
