Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
accomplished twins. life is a go
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
