So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
