She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
