Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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